Berlin, Day 10

The world is one big study of anthropology for me. These past few nights, I have been sitting up with my Turkish friend Omar and my Turkish host Serpil (a lady). We have been drinking tea and discussing all manner of things. Tonight we discussed the differences in the idea of love between Turkish and Western culture (or at least the version of Western culture I grew up in, and perhaps the version of Turkish culture they have experienced, since “culture” can vary within the same society).

Omar and Serpil described to me how in love stories and songs, there is a kind of love that can physically make you ill and go crazy. In Turkish, the word “majnoon” connotes this kind of love. (In Arabic, “majnoon” is a general word for crazy.) They told me the Turkish story of Majnoon and Leila, about a guy named Majnoon who goes crazy because he isn’t allowed to marry Leila, who in turn dies because she thinks her lover died. Kind of like Romeo and Juliet, I guess.

Serpil and Omar described how in their culture, love is more unconditional than in Western culture; it doesn’t matter if you suffer, as long as your loved one is happy (except it sucks when you are suffering). Also, the concept of “falling in love” can mean that maybe you only see someone once or twice, you don’t know them that well, but you love them anyway. You will probably get an overwhelming feeling. I call that infatuation. I think “falling in love” can involve feeling overwhelmed, but I think that with “falling love” you get to know the person, whereas with infatuation, you don’t know them that well. This could be my Western way of thinking.

In the West, Omar theorized, people are brought up to be more individualistic, and therefore might not fall in love so suddenly. I’m not sure, but it’s interesting to consider: a logical, individualistic West versus an irrational, communal Eastern/Turkish way of thinking, and how these contrasts affect the process of “falling in love.”

It’s not to say that individualism is bad, or that everyone in the West is individualistic, or that everyone in the East/Turkey is communal and irrational when they fall in love. But rather, the perspectives of these friends of mine make me consider my own experiences with love, and what it means for me. In the end, I think it’s very personal, no matter what your cultural background.